


Random Tuesdays

by BadWolf303



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26253718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolf303/pseuds/BadWolf303
Summary: "She was, though, feeling a kind of way about the fact that Jude would be out the door pretty soon. She watched him now, long legs and shoes on the couch that she was shocked Lena hadn’t scolded him for yet (she would, oh she definitely would) kind of feeling pretty proud of herself and Lena."
Relationships: Lena Adams Foster/Stef Adams Foster, Lena Adams/Stef Foster
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Random Tuesdays

It was just a normal Tuesday. Nothing special about it or anything. Jude was lounging on the couch, his entire long body taking up the length of it (how was he the same little boy who climbed the tree in their backyard?) as he played some obnoxiously loud videogame on the TV. 

Lena kept making faces at it every time there was an especially loud blast, but it wasn’t like she was leaving the living room. Stef knew that, annoying videogames and all, Lena liked existing in the same space as their son. She’d sit on the loveseat adjacent from him, making faces at the sounds, until she’d make him do his homework or get up to start dinner. 

Jude was the only one left in the house, so Stef understood that impulse to keep him close. Though, well, okay. That wasn’t entirely true. Jesus was still here. He could say he lived in the garage apartment all he wanted--he still was eating from their refrigerator and showing up like clockwork for a home cooked dinner. Not that Stef would complain. Even if she wanted to, Lena would probably smack her for trying. 

And, well, Callie was around a lot, too. Not every weekend, but most of them. Sometimes she’d shrug and say that she came back for Jude, but Stef and Lena both knew that wasn’t exactly the case, either. She was fine being away at school; if any of their kids knew how to take care of themself (so long as she wasn’t being reckless, which she wasn’t so much these days, thank God) it was Callie. She came back not because she needed to, but because she wanted to. Because she actually had a home to come back to. 

So, no. Stef wasn’t about to complain about Jesus stealing their food, and she certainly wasn’t going to complain about Callie constantly being around. 

She was, though, feeling a kind of way about the fact that Jude would be out the door pretty soon. She watched him now, long legs and shoes on the couch that she was shocked Lena hadn’t scolded him for yet (she would, oh she definitely would) kind of feeling pretty proud of herself and Lena. For all of Callie’s continued issues--Stef’s sweet but scared and angry girl who came to them a little too late for Stef to shield her from all the bad that had happened--Jude seemed so well-adjusted. 

Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe someday the trauma of his past would force itself right back up. (Ridiculous as it sounds, Stef’s biggest regret and feelings of failure came from the thought that she wasn’t there for him, for Callie, for Mariana, for Jesus, right from the start--she’s their mother, she should have been there to protect them.)    
  
For now, though, he was okay. Stef leaned her head against the doorframe where she was standing, watching her youngest and the love of her life, as they spent a random Tuesday afternoon after school existing in the same space, a picture of family and home and bliss that made Stef’s heart damn near burst. 

She worried about all her babies for different reasons. Still, now, with them out of the house. (More, now, with them out of the house.) She worried that she screwed up Brandon because she didn’t know how to be herself until it was too late and she had to blow up everything her little boy knew in order to be happy. She worried that Jesus would never feel like he was enough, that he’d work too hard to prove to himself and the world that he was a worthy man, though everyone around him already knew he was. She worried that Mariana would always be the scared, vulnerable little girl with a heart on her sleeve that she followed too earnestly. She worried that Callie would forget for a moment, just a small moment, that she had a family who loved her and needed her here, and not off doing something too reckless, too dangerous.    
  
Stef will always remember turning Brandon’s life upside down, she’ll always remember those small, quiet twins sitting in the police office, she’ll always remember desperately searching for Callie while she was in the hands of some pimp--she’ll always worry.

She worried differently about Jude. She worried that she wasn’t enough, she wasn’t able to be enough, to really make him feel safe. To make him be proud of who he is. To make him know, deep down, on a fundamental level, that there has never been anything wrong with him. 

He had Lena for that, she knew. Lena was the one who painted his nails, she was the one who talked to him about how she knew she was gay. Lena was the one who held an entire freaking same-sex health class just so he had an opportunity to learn. To not feel alone, or confused. 

Stef wasn’t sure she was capable. Definitely not back then. Her dad was still alive and passing judgement when Jude first came to live with them--Jude was at Lena and Stef’s wedding, but her dad certainly wasn’t. 

She wondered what would have been different if her dad lived. If her dad got to know, really know, Jude as a grandson. 

The thought was kind of like a punch to the gut, really. Because when he died nothing got resolved and Stef was still reeling from that (not that she’d admit that--well, unless Lena got her to, which Lena did, often.) And what if he had lived and Jude was around and her dad continued to say the things he said, to feel the way he felt? 

Could Stef have protected Jude from that? She couldn’t even protect her own goddamn self.

“Mom? You okay?” 

She didn’t realize that Jude had paused his game, or that she had been staring at him, probably kind of funny. She schooled her face, put on a smile, but he and Lena were both looking at her as if they saw right through it. 

That was the one benefit to being the last kid in the house, maybe. Jude got to see them with their guards down a little more than the others ever did. Something to do with the lack of constant drama, maybe. 

Maybe her guard was a little down these days. It would explain that she didn’t just shrug them off, didn’t just roll her eyes adn say something like,  _ I’m fine, my loves, just enjoying the view _ . 

Instead, she said, “You’ve always felt safe with us, right?” 

Jude and Lena exchanged a glance. “Yeah. Of course,” Jude said. “Why?” 

“No reason. I was just thinking, you know. About when you first came to live with us, and how small and sweet you were, and, you know, I was thinking about, well, my dad, and…” Stop talking, Stef. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. Never mind.” 

“Your dad,” Jude repeated, slowly nodding. “So you mean about me feeling safe to be gay, or whatever.” 

Maybe Jude had paid more attention back then than Stef realized. That hurt a little to think, too, because did he realize why her dad wasn’t at that wedding? Did those things affect him then, anyway? 

Lena was looking at her like she hung the moon or something, and it was distracting, because Stef was being way too vulnerable as is around their 17 year old. 

“Yeah,” Stef answered. “You were so different from me. And I’m glad! I’m so glad! That you were here, with us, and you had Lena, and that we could do what we could to support you. I just want to make sure. That you really did feel safe and supported. That you never felt any shame.” 

“This is a bit heavy for a random Tuesday,” Jude said, and didn’t Stef know it. “But, hey, did Callie ever tell you about the very first night you guys took me home?” 

Stef shook her head and looked over at Lena. “I don’t think so,” Lena answered. “That very first night?” 

Jude nodded. “Yeah. Well, and this is according to Callie, by the way, because I only kind of remember that night. I mostly just remember being here, with you guys, and then bits and pieces of before. But Callie says after you guys said goodnight and we were down here, on the couches, going to sleep I asked her, you know, if you guys really were together. Like, together together.” 

Lena laughed. Stef might have, too, if she wasn’t so eager to hear the rest.    
  
“Callie says that after she said yes, I was all bewildered about it and asked something like, and no one ever yells at them because of it?” 

_ Well, okay, break Stef’s heart, why don’t you?  _   
  
Stef had moved into the living room, perching on the arm of Lena’s chair as Jude continued. “Anyway, like I said, I don’t remember much before here, but I do remember getting yelled at. A lot. Sometimes, well, worse. But I never felt like I’d get yelled at here. Ever. I’m pretty sure I was walking around school with blue nail polish the very next week.” 

Stef gave Lena a well-worn fond smile before focusing back on her son. “I guess I just wish that I was strong enough to have been there more for you. I was so...ashamed of myself still. And I just want you to know that I should have been able to protect you better anyway. That all of my own shit--” 

“Stef--”

“ _ Stuff _ \--he’s seventeen, love, come on--that all of my own stuff could have gotten in the way of me being there for you. That’s all, I guess.” Stef had already said way more than she wanted to. He was still her son, after all. She was still his mother, still hated being this vulnerable in front of anyone. “I love you, my baby. And I’m very proud of you.” 

He was looking at her kind of funny again, and  _ crap _ , Stef really wanted this entire conversation to be over, why’d she even start it to begin with? She was just going to keep her mouth shut from now on, seriously.    
  
“You want to know what I do remember about that night? The one you guys brought me home?” 

Stef felt Lena tense at that, so at least she wasn’t alone in thinking,  _ No, Jude, I really don’t want to think about that night at all, thank you very much.  _

She said, instead, of course: “Yeah, sure.”    
  
“You, bursting through the door like, I don’t know. Wonder Woman or something.” Jude’s eyes were wide and bright and his smile was definitely cheeky, the little shit, but God, he was being completely honest all the same. “It was awesome.  _ You _ were awesome.” 

Lena loved that. She wrapped a hand around Stef’s thigh and squeezed, her smile a little wonky in the way Stef loved it. 

“Seriously, Mom. You’ve protected me enough. More than enough. Trust me,” Jude said. 

Stef was pretty relieved when the doorbell rang. This was all, seriously, too much for her as was, and if the look still on Lena’s face was any indication, she wasn’t about to let any of this go any time soon.    
  
“That’s Taylor,” Jude said, climbing off the couch. “You’re okay, though? We’re good?” 

Well, Stef couldn’t not hug the shit (stuff? Whatever) out of him after all that. So she did. She hugged him hard, to the point where he basically started shoving her off so he could get the door. “Come on, let me go.” He managed to get away to get the door.    
  
“Hey,” Taylor said, waving at Stef and Lena.    
  
“Come on, let’s go upstairs,” Jude said, and then blurped in Taylor’s face.    
  
“That’s real charming, Jude,” she said, following after him as he laughed his way up the stairs to his bedroom. “How you get any guys to date you is beyond me.”    
  
Stef couldn’t help but smile as the teens retreated. Jude’s best friend making casual jokes about guys he dated in the presence of his moms was such a far reality from Stef’s own, and maybe that was just the icing on the cake. The point being proven.    
  
Jude  _ was _ okay. Stef and Lena  _ had _ made him feel safe.    
  
Lena started tugging at Stef’s shirt, pulling her down into the loveseat on top of her. Stef didn’t often let herself be the one cradled in Lena’s lap--she preferred it the other way around--but she wasn’t about to object either, as Lena wrapped her arms around her tight, holding her. “Wonder Woman, huh?” she said.    
  
Stef snorted. “He was twelve. And traumatized.” 

“Okay, Wonder Woman.”    
  
Stef buried her face in Lena’s neck. “You saved me first, you know. You’re my Wonder Woman. Prettier, even. My safe place.”    
  
“You’re very mushy today. I’m a little worried,” Lena said.    
  
“Maybe the house is too quiet. Makes me think too much.”    
  
“I’m sure Jesus will be over soon. It’s nearly dinner.”    
  
Stef laughed. “I just don’t want them all to leave without me doing my absolute best to give them everything, you know? They grew up so fast. I feel like I’m still growing, and learning, and figuring my own shit out and they’re...they just grew up so fast.” 

Lena leaned down, brushing her lips over Stef’s in a soft, barely there kiss. “I love you, Stefanie Adams Foster. You are the best mom those kids could ask for. And trust me, most of them have. They stayed up late dreaming of a family, of a home. You gave them every single part of you, and all of that, and they all know it. Okay? So no more of this. No more letting your father make you feel anything less than.”  
  
"I love you," Stef said, because she couldn't think of anything adequate enough otherwise.  


And when the loud videogame sounds bled from Jude's bedroom down into the livingroom and into Stef's ears once again, well, she glanced up at the ceiling fondly, thinking of her son, and yelled, "Turn that shit down, will you?"   
  
The scolding look Lena gave her was worth it. 


End file.
